We surveyed 55,000 of our readers and the results are in: you are all statistical outliers who already max out every account, married each other for HSA capacity, and spend your 30s staring into the Fidelity app like it’s the sky.

OMAHA, NE — We asked, and holy moly, you mutants answered! Fifty-five thousand of you sliced open your financial lives and handed us a still-beating brokerage statement, and the results are in:

MoneyMutants aren’t a demographic—they’re a species. You are out there crushing it and we are SO excited to show you the juicy, comma-filled numbers.

On this week’s very special MoneyMutant Survey Results Show, hosts Brendan Richardson, Ben Stoddard, CFP®, and Rachel walked through our listener survey and built a chilling, affectionate character study of the modern MoneyMutant.

BEN: Spoiler alert! We discovered the shocking truth that people who spend their 30s staring into a brokerage app perform WAY better than people whose main investment vehicle is weed and “vibes”!

RACHEL: We couldn’t be more proud of our audience, for doing the hard work early, like not going into crippling debt for a jet ski. Are you guys ready to crunch the numbers on these MoneyMutants?

ALL: Let’s DO THE MATH!

WHO YOU ARE (Sociodemographically Speaking)

Median age: 36. Fiscal Maturity: beyond your years.

Marital status: 68% married—not for love per se, but to double your state and local tax deduction and unlock that family HSA contribution limit.

RACHEL: The wedding toast was just a reading from IRS Form 8889. Romantic!

Geography: You folks are everywhere. HCOL, LCOL, Nebraska COL. We LOVE that some of you MoneyMutants are using the concept of geographical arbitrage to take your Boston-based remote tech job salary to the Midwest, to afford an even higher standard of living out here!

BEN: That’s right, Brendan. Those $16 cocktails taste even sweeter when your rent is a third of what it would cost for a comparable unit on the coasts. Those granite countertops are almost as bright as your future! Let’s also take a look at that NATIONAL MEDIAN to get a sense of how our audience compares favorably.

NON-MoneyMutants: Also 36, but look more like 60. Currently googling “can Klarna repo a Playstation 5?”

NET WORTH (the socially acceptable proxy for self-worth)

Overall MoneyMutant median net worth: An astounding $650,000.

The median American household? $192,000, most of that trapped in their primary residence they will also die in.

Breaking it Down By Decade:

20s: $185,000 — We call these “The Minor Leagues”. You might only have enough liquid cash to buy six base-level Toyota Camrys, but those dollar bills are going to be doing some HEAVY LIFTING in the decades to come!
30s: $750,000 — Also your median weekly Fidelity screen time: 7.5 hours. This is connected.
40s: $1.8M — Crossing the million-dollar mark is a significant milestone for your self-worth. But don’t stop here! Investable assets at this stage: $880,000. That’s not a number; that’s a threat.
50s: $4.3M — At this point the question isn’t “can I retire?” It’s “how many European vacations are we taking next decade?”
60s: $10.7M — You’ve officially reached the post-financial stage of life. Your goal is no longer to beat the market, but to achieve a state of perpetual, tax-advantaged existence. Your stretch goal is to make a hostile takeover bid for time itself.

Control group: Net worth also went up recently, but only because Zillow’s estimate on their parents’ house did.

INCOME: The Shovel We Keep Naming

Household medians:
20s: $120k | 30s: $185k | 40s: $210k | 50s: $200k | 60s: Still trying to remember password to ADP

BRENDAN: Alright, let’s talk about the shovel. The big one. Income. This is where the mutation really shows.

BEN: Brendan, the numbers are just… look at this! The median household income for you mutants in your 20s is $120,000! It’s $185k in your 30s, $210k in your 40s… and our listeners in their 60s are apparently just trying to remember their ADP Payroll password.

BRENDAN: That’s right, Ben. Because you mutants understand you don’t just need a shovel; you need a commercial digging machine. A respectable career that comes with a decent expense account and lets you keep the Marriott points for personal use.

BEN: Which is why it’s AWESOME that you guys are hitting six figures before most people have even figured out that they should probably take their high school GPA off their resume.

BRENDAN: That’s because our audience know job titles are just shovels with hydraulics. You look for the magic words: ‘Senior,’ ‘Principal,’ ‘Global,’ ‘Platform.’ If the office has a halfway decent espresso machine, you’re close.

BEN: And then you stack the compensation like mulch! Base. Bonus. RSUs. A ‘leadership stipend’ for reminding everyone in Slack what quarter it is.

RACHEL: You’re not earning a living. You’re monetizing your continued existence.

Control group: DoorDash is both their grocery store and retirement plan.

Education & Student Debt :

85% of you followed our 10:1 Education Rule—earn 10x your entire educational expense in your first year of operating your dental practice. Medical Debt? ZERO! That keeps the HSA humming along nicely.

RACHEL: We love it when our listeners can cashflow their senior year tuition at Dartmouth during their summer internship at Goldman Sachs!

BRENDAN: That’s ROI in action baby.

Control group: Owe $104k in student loans for a degree that just became a punchline.

Personal Savings

BRENDAN: Okay, Ben, this is the one. This is the stat that truly separates the mutants from the mortals. Let’s talk about the savings rate.

BEN: Brendan, I’m looking at two numbers and they’re breaking my brain. National data says 60% of Americans can’t cover a $1,000 emergency. Our survey says nearly 60% of you are saving over 30% of your gross income. It’s a perfect, horrifying inversion that kind of makes sense if you look out the window and realize the majority of this country are one Instagram ad away from taking out a micro-loan for a weighted blanket.

BRENDAN: It’s because you people have a completely different definition of “fun money.” When a normal person says “treat yourself,” they mean a vacation. When you say “treat,” you mean, “I just rolled over my old 401(k) into my new 401(k).”

RACHEL: Exactly. Your biggest emergency isn’t a car repair. It’s the unexpected tax liability from a surprise dividend payout or an RSU vest

Control group: Cannot produce $1,000 in an emergency but can produce a $1,000 iPhone with same-day delivery, financed via Apple Card.

HOUSING: The Shelter Sleeve

BRENDAN: Let’s talk about the 27% of you who are still renting. The world sees you as throwing money away. We see you as predators.

BEN: That’s right! You’re not just ‘renting.’ You are tactically accumulating ‘dry powder.’ You are coiled springs of capital, just waiting to strike the moment the market shows weakness. Then you’ll sink your fangs right into a 25% down payment on that $1.2M 4BD/3BA.

RACHEL: You’re not homeless. You’re house-less, by choice. It’s a strategic position. That’s what I tell myself at least!

Control group: Also renting, but calls it “being stuck” instead of “building dry powder.” Is currently paying a pet fee for a fish.

YOUR LIFESTYLE: A Field Guide to the Apex Predator

BRENDAN: But Ben, it’s not just the numbers. It’s the behavior. You mutants aren’t just rich; you’re invisibly rich. Because most of that cash is locked behind several layers of 2-factor authentication and the IRS, instead of parked in front of your house.

BEN: Terrifying is the right word! The data shows 81% of you drive your cars for over seven years! You’re treating your 2014 Honda Accord like a sacred trust passed down through generations. Personally, I drive a 15 year old Volvo XC70 with 192,000 miles on it. Purrs like a Swedish kitten and only cost me $7k.

RACHEL: The best part about having a cheaper car is that no one knows you have money. And if they don’t know you have money, they can’t ask you for some.

BRENDAN: That’s stealth wealth in action.

RACHEL: Let’s be honest. If you’re still listening, you are not “discovering” personal finance. You are already in far too deep to feel joy without a Roth contribution confirmation email.

BEN: You didn’t need this episode. You needed permission to be the person who swaps a night out for an HSA transfer and calls it “memory making for your future self.”

BRENDAN: And that’s okay. Because this is the nicest corner of the internet. A place where you can finally be yourself: a weird, disciplined, low-fee, and slightly unwell…creature who we are so, so proud of.

RACHEL: So, get married for love. Stay married for HSA capacity. Rebalance quarterly. Drink Electrolytes.

BEN: And for God’s sake, blink sometime. After market close, preferably.

BRENDAN: Now get back to work, MoneyMutants! Those accounts aren’t going to max themselves.

And in case you missed it, here’s Last Week’s Episode:
DIALED IN! Meet The 33-Year-Old MoneyMutant Who’s Boosting His Income By Selling His Plasma Twice A Week