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Monday, August 24, 2026Vol. II · No. 24 · Omaha, Nebraska
MoneyHole

Shoveling You Deeper Into Financial Wisdom

Omaha, Nebraska

MARKETS
HOPE-4.2%RENT+11.8%WAGEunch.VIBES+212.5%DOOM+3.7%ROCK+9.1%BEANS-0.03%EGGS+14.6%DEBT+6.9% · recordDGNTY-18.0%SLEEP-2.4%PTO-100.0% · expiredRSUHALTED · pending vestPLSMA+2.2% · twice weeklyPNTS+1,400 ptsLATTE$7.25HSTL+45.0%STRTRno bidTMSHRlimit downIRA-0.9%SSA255$255 · unch. since 1954BOOMR+52.0%GENZdelistedCOPE+18.4%LUCKunch.FICO-41 ptsEQTY+0.0% · theoreticalDDCTBL+$3,400TIPS+22.0% · prompted at kioskTIME-24 hrsMOMLNrestructuredBRNCH$61.00LOYAL-0.4%PENSNno longer quotedSILVR+1.1% · still not gold

The National FabricF · Faith, Wellness & Other MLMs

F3F

CrossFit Theocracy

The box is the church, the WOD is liturgy, chalk is incense.

Reference marketFirst identified in Provo, Utah (ZIP area 84604).

Also found inKeller, Texas; Franklin, Tennessee; Parker, Colorado; Lexington, South Carolina.

Community, but make it a timer.

Portrait

In their own words

  • Age33
  • Income$115K
  • Net worth$150K
  • Education58%
  • Home$340K
  • Ownership55%
  • HouseholdMarried to someone from 6am class
  • VehicleTacoma or Subaru
  • DebtStudent loans under control
Vice
Supplements and talking about it
Most likely to
Tell you their Fran time unprompted
Signals
Protein, Murph shirts, mobility bands

Who they are

Thirty-three, and the box is a church with a chalk bucket for a font. The WOD is liturgy, the whiteboard is scripture, and the first sacrament is telling you their Fran time before you've finished saying hello. Married someone from the 6am class because shared suffering is a love language and the schedules already overlapped. Spends real money on a tithe of creatine, beta-alanine, and a closet of event tees from competitions they placed mid-pack in. The Tacoma has a 26.2 sticker for a marathon and a barbell decal for the personality. It's genuinely community, genuinely fitness—just delivered at the volume of a man who has discovered both for the first time and assumes you haven't.

Our neighborhood

A converted-warehouse affiliate in a strip-mall office park, rubber-floor smell and a PR bell by the door. Drives a Tacoma or a Subaru to the box, the office, and back. Fridge stacked with prepped chicken in glass containers; closet stacked with finisher shirts. Sunday is a hike, performed competitively.

Shopping

Real money goes to a tithe of creatine, beta-alanine, and a closet of event tees from competitions he placed mid-pack in. Prepped chicken in glass containers, lifters, knee sleeves, and a Tacoma wearing a barbell decal beside a 26.2 sticker. The chalk bucket is the font.

Spending

Membership runs $185 a month and gets defended like a mortgage, plus competition entry fees, seminar weekends, and supplements filed by mechanism. Two incomes come out of the 6 a.m. class, because he married somebody whose schedule already overlapped. Everything discretionary routes to a god measured in seconds.

Media

Training podcasts, competition livestreams, and Instagram accounts that film lifts from floor level. The whiteboard is scripture, updated daily and photographed. Nothing outside the sport survives the feed.

Interests

Telling you his Fran time before you've finished saying hello, delivered the way a missionary hands you a pamphlet. Sunday hike, performed competitively, with splits. It is genuine community and genuine fitness, at the volume of a man who assumes you've encountered neither.

Where they live

Darker is more of them.

F3 · CROSSFIT THEOCRACY

ZIP CODES

—

How thick on the ground

$130K

Median household income

1.80× the national median

$609K

Typical home value

2.28× the national median

4.6×

Home value against income

1.22× the national median

52%

Bachelor's degree or higher

2.25× the national median

79%

Owner-occupied

Share of occupied units

$2,243

Median gross rent

Monthly, contract plus utilities

2.80

Average household size

Persons per occupied unit

39.2

Median age

Years

How they compare

Against the average American household.

  • Median household income

    1.80×

    $130K here$72K everywhere else

  • Typical home value

    2.28×

    $609K here$267K everywhere else

  • Bachelor's degree or higher

    2.25×

    52.4% here23.3% everywhere else

  • Home value against household income

    1.22×

    4.60× here3.77× everywhere else

Who lives next door

Household types that turn up on the same blocks.

The receipts

No.SignalAgainst the countryReading
  1. 01Households with children84th38.6%
  2. 02Bachelor's degree or higher87th52.4%
  3. 03Residents 35 to 4479th15.0%
  4. 04Married adults73rd60.7%
  5. 05Below the poverty line22nd5.3%
  6. 06Average household size78th2.80
  7. 07Commutes by transit73rd1.0%
  8. 08Households with a vehicle61st97.1%
  9. 09Households with no vehicle39th2.9%
  10. 10Single-family detached49th75.6%

SourcesFigures from the U.S. Census Bureau. Everything else is observation.